Help!

Lord, please help me! I just can't stop myself from procrastinating. Imagine how can I just finish only one tutorial question in one hour when it is obviously the answer is in front of my eyes! Oh My God I hate myself! 

Now I am in my room writing this because I really in need to express my thoughts about myself which is in the same time, I'm also extending my night and I will sleep late tonight and I have an 8 am class tomorrow! Can you see what am I doing to myself? See? Oh my God! 

What I need now is some part of myself that I did not hate at all and that part will be the most reliable part among all. But hell yeah that is totally impossible! You can't have only one part that is reliable, you need all of it to make yourself reliable because only you who relied on it! Shit what am I writing now...

Oh God, where the hell is all my motivation and all my discipline in my time management. I need to bring the old me back from the past so that I can make my life better again. I really need the old me who sacrifice her sleep and wake up 4 a.m in the morning for the sake of knowledge and of course to get good result in exam! I really need 'the me' who don't give a fuck of what people are doing without me because I love my lonely life! I really in need of my old me, who really love studying, doesn't matter how packed my brain will be! I really really need the old me who will do everything with my heart, never wish for anything in return, sincerely do anything as I believe that is a good thing and it would not harm me, put everything in positive situation and just do every single act for the sake of His bless! And the most important is, I really need 'the me' who are really committed to my own time management even the schedule is arranged by my own cute fingers!

The thing is where the hell is that person had gone to??? She overslept? She got lost in the jungle and did not find the way out? She just love the past and chose not to come to the future? She dead? Oh no I'm not Taylor Swift!

I should sit down for a moment, take a deep breathe, inhale tranquilly, and think whether what I am doing right now is what I am really up to or I do this only for the sake to look good in the eyes of the people. I know what I'm learning right now is so beneficial in the future, people will get jealous of how rich I am, (kalau cukup bagus laa) I will be well-known in the corporate industries, all the fame is in my hand, and of course not to forget all the negative part that include corruption, fraud, so-called theft and whatever bad words ordinary people gives to lawyers as nickname... HAHAHA. But hey, that is not what a legal world is all about. The special knowledge or in some cases both knowledge and skills, no in all cases, a lawyer have is to help people bring their rights to the right place. All the harmless people who got harm by harmful person should know that they are not standing alone, they have us lawyers to be with them. Again, wtf am I writing!?

But, you know, to help people does not necessarily means you have to become a lawyer. As you might as well aware that people salute a doctor more than a lawyer. Just that, I do want to help people but, do I really want to help them in the legal way?

Look what you made me do.